“My Lost Star”

Sitting, alone, under the dark sky of the darkest night of my life; recalling my past, full of undesirable surprises, emotional drama’s, breaking of hope, becoming a prey of time, and drying of fountain of tears; “Oh my dear God if you really got existence then just tell me, why me? If don’t want to tell me this then tell me, am I only your favorite? If not then who else is he, so that I may go and hug him, Oh how sad he will be.”

Yes, they were all around me throughout my time. But they were, at times too sympathetic, and different from me; they could easily get themselves adjusted to the changing conditions, oh I was so jealous of them that thought it better to part my ways from them, so, that I may survive the remaining time. Oh my dear God just tell me what made them they and what made me, ME?

Yeah, I to got a piece of heart like them; quarter broken, quarter black, quarter white and quarter searching for something which I really don’t know! I to got a brain like them but not work like theirs, they are intelligent, sensible which I’m not!

Oh my dear God, why is it so? Why I’m so confuse? Why I’m not acceptable to them? Yeah, I got which they got. But still my reality is different and bitter. Their nights bring sleep and dreams; mine are sleepless with no stars in the sky.

I hugged her as well as her to but the fire is still in its full heat, burning me from inside. Why is it so, I really don’t know! What it is, please tell me. My tear falls on the ground leaving no impact on it, so no one notice it. Had they ever cried like this? If no, then why?

They are apparently weak and I’m strong but in reality they stand firm in the storm while it takes me away; hitting me with rocks and sand, ah my dear God, it hurts a lot, can you hear my cry, if yes then tell me why I’m I and they are they?

What? No this can’t be the reason because he to don’t have her by his side today! Yes I know he was 24 when lost her while I was just 10 when they buried her deep inside the earth.

So what if I can’t recall her, her love and affection for me, her dreams and plans for me as I was just ten at that time and lived my entire life without her, ate food, studied hard and got twenty four. No no her early departure can’t be the argument. Yes I know he learned everything from her, as she was with him till his twenty fourth birthday and left him when he was ready for competing with them; but I to have my father, if not her, to teach me. So this can’t be the answer! Please tell me.

Yes his life is far better and smooth then mine, because I lost her at ten when we need her the most? But I’m even unable to imagine her, her way of feeding my emptiness with her love, which she was supposed to. Then how can I presume her absence to be the reason behind my dark nights under a dark sky with no stars on it?

If you insist then let me say that yes its she whose absence I feel the most, whenever they spank me , whenever i want to hug someone to cool down the fire inside me which is constantly burning me, whenever I try to love someone. So let me say that I miss her a lot beside the fact that I never got use to her and I shall never be able to recall her even not a tiny glimpse of her. And she is the only difference between me and them, they are they because they got her and I’m me because I don’t have her!

Hey I know you are somewhere there in this dark sky and looking at me. No don’t cry, you aren’t supposed to be feeling guilty because I know you were as helpless at that time as you are now. I can’t feel the pain which you are feeling at this moment because I can never give birth to someone, can never understand someone who don’t know how to express, can never feel the pain of others which you constantly felt helplessly of mine, Because it’s mothers job. I promise you that I will never fall and cry if you shine for me every night.

“Mother is an institute from which flows the spring of love and success. No other person can be your mother, how so ever that person is kind. So take great care of your mothers”